DEAR JANE: I refuse to fly our son’s nanny in first class on family vacations – she says I’m being disrespectful and is threatening to QUIT
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Dear Jane,
For the past two years, my wife and I have employed a live-in nanny who helps us care for our young son, while taking care of a few chores around the house.
She has formed a wonderful bond with our three-year-old – so much so that we decided this year to invite her on our family vacations with us.
The deal was that we’d pay for her travel, her hotel room etc. and she could enjoy free time during the day while looking after our son in the evenings so my wife and I can enjoy some time alone.
We had three trips booked when we made this arrangement with her and she happily committed to all three.
However when we travelled to Costa Rica last month, she got incredibly upset to discover that we had not booked her a first class seat.
Dear Jane, our son’s nanny is furious that we didn’t book her a first class seat on our last family vacation – and now she’s threatening to quit over it
My wife and I were in first class with our son, and we booked our nanny a seat in Delta Comfort+. Apparently this was not to her standards.
As soon as we landed she asked to speak with me – and said that she felt incredibly uncomfortable with being treated in such a disrespectful manner. That our decision to fly first class while leaving her in another section made clear how little with think of her.
She said that she could not commit to joining us on any other trips if that was our plan moving forward, and went as far as to suggest that she would rethink her working situation altogether if we didn’t agree to fly her first class.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her Dear Jane agony aunt column
Then she pretty much refused to speak with us about anything other than the baby.
I mean, what the heck?! Not trying to sound rude – or disrespectful – but we pay her a really good salary, we look after her incredibly well, and given that she’s getting several free vacations, I don’t think it’s unreasonable of us to book her in Comfort+.
We didn’t even book her in coach!
She and my son are so close, and she really is wonderful with him, so I can’t stand the thought of losing her, but it feels a bit like we’re being emotionally blackmailed by her.
Any thoughts about what we can do to resolve this without sacrificing all our boundaries!?
From,
Desperate Dad
Dear Desperate Dad,
I am thanking my lucky stars that these days are very firmly behind me, but what I remember, with every au-pair or nanny that we had, was that they were the best, our children adored them, and the prospect of them leaving was terrifying for they were irreplaceable.
And yet, every time someone left, we found another, who was sometimes better, sometimes worse, usually entirely different, and almost always equally beloved by us and our children.
Which is to say, no-one is irreplaceable, however wonderful she may be with your son.
Many employers think the nanny should be eternally grateful to have the opportunity to travel to exotic places, even when they are pretty much on duty almost 24 hours a day and are sharing a room with the children.
But look out the window! You’re in the Maldives! You may not have any time to yourself but it’s hot! Lucky you!
This is not what you are describing, given her free time during the day and a few night’s babysitting, and I would say that the entitlement she has shown is a firm deal-breaker.
Start looking for a new nanny, because this kind of cheek has no place in your home.
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