DEIDRE SAYS: Watching strippers gyrate and provocatively peel off every item of clothing for many is nothing more than a little fun, but for others it constitutes cheating and is an unforgivable betrayal.
1) Is going to a strip club cheating?
There is no definitive answer when it comes to this question. It boils down to the boundaries within each individual relationship.
So if two partners have discussed and agreed they are comfortable with either visiting a strip bar, it’s safe to say this doesn’t constitute cheating.
But of course if either feels uncomfortable or is anti strip bars, then if the other partner visits regardless, that would constitute cheating.
The grey area comes in if neither of you has discussed your attitude towards strip club visits.
But it’s worth bearing in mind, cheating is an act of dishonesty which violates the boundaries of trust within any committed relationship.
So if the thought of telling your partner about a visit to a ‘gentlemen’s club’ makes you squirm, then most likely you are breaking that trust.
Whatever your views are on cheating, it is likely that your partner will feel hurt and betrayed if they find out you’ve been to a strip club without telling them. Even if you don’t consider it cheating, they might feel differently. So it’s important to be honest with your partner and talk about it before you decide to go. Even if it is agreed that you can go to a strip club, it’s still a good idea to set out clear boundaries on what is and isn’t acceptable beforehand. This will help maintain the trust and respect between you both.
If you’ve never been to a strip club before it can be hard to know what to expect and easy to imagine the worst. But there are strict rules inside UK strip clubs which include:
- Touching dancers is forbidden
- No photography or video recording
- Soliciting sex from the dancers is strictly prohibited
- Sexual and verbal abuse towards dancers is not be tolerated
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2) Is it cheating if you have a lap dance?
A lap dance is a type of erotic dance in which the dancer typically has body contact with someone seated. The dancer may be naked, topless, erotically dressed or undressing during the dance, depending on the strip club's policies. There is a 'no touching rule' and sexual penetration is forbidden.
If an agreement was broken and your partner went beyond the boundaries of what you felt comfortable with, then yes, this could be classed as cheating because it violates the trust in the relationship.
It’s important to consider people commonly feel pressured and even coerced by their friends to explore a private lap dance, particularly if they are on their stag/hen do.
3) What should I do if my partner has been to a strip club?
If you find out your partner has gone to a strip club and you are less-than thrilled about it, the first thing you need to do is talk to your partner before making any assumptions.
You might be surprised to find that there really isn’t anything to worry about and perhaps they felt just as uncomfortable as you about it.
If you don’t want your partner to go to strip clubs anymore, make it known. If your partner respects you they will honour the trust in the relationship and stop going.
If your partner was already aware that going to a strip club is non-negotiable for you and you feel that your agreement has been broken then it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
If you have any concerns about strip clubs or lap dances the Dear Deidre team can help you. You can email them on [email protected] or message us directly on Facebook.
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