DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE a really great marriage. My wife is 38 and I’m 41.
We have been married for 15 years and love each other very much.
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The only problem is she never orgasms and really doesn’t enjoy sex.
She goes along with it for me but there is no real interest.
I think if I didn’t initiate intimacy, she wouldn’t miss it.
I find knowing she is going through the motions to fulfil my needs so sad.
I’ve tried over the years to experiment with different techniques and positions.
Although she says she’ll give it a go, I feel she has closed herself off to the possibility of enjoying sex.
She says I just need to accept she’s not wired that way. It’s pretty depressing.
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DEAR DEIDRE: Perhaps your wife grew up in a family where sex was taboo and has carried the stigma into adulthood?
Has she had any experiences that may have put her off being intimate?
If so, counselling would help overcome this. I’m sending you my support pack on how counselling works to help you find a therapist.
If there is no underlying psychological reason, try to understand how you could improve the experience of sex for her.
A woman usually reaches orgasm when the clitoris, which is outside the vagina, is stimulated in the right way, which is why foreplay is so important.
I am attaching my support pack Help Your Partner Reach Orgasm for practical tips.
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