It's one thing after another with my husband – should I leave him? | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has told me he had sex with my  best friend and my sister the week before our wedding.

I have no way of knowing if he is telling the truth.

My relationship with him is so bad, I don’t know whether he’s lying to upset me, or whether the truth came out because he’d had too much to drink.

My sister sadly died three years ago and I lost touch with my friend after she emigrated to Australia more than 20 years ago.

We’ve been married for 27 years and  had a good relationship up until five years ago when my husband was made redundant by the bank where he worked.

With his job went his identity. He hates being unemployed but hasn’t managed to find another job.

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I’m a nurse and worked throughout lockdown but it was a tough time for us at home as my husband really struggled with the isolation.

He started drinking more and became argumentative and abusive.

If I complained that the flat was a mess or that he’d not bought milk and I wanted a cup of tea when I got home after my shift, he’d yell at me, name-calling and swearing.

There’s no end to his drinking and I’m trying to support us both.

He’s in denial, saying there is no problem between us. Last night he kicked off over something minor and said: “No wonder I slept with your sister and your bridesmaid just before our wedding”.

I was horrified and stormed off to bed. The thing is, I don’t know whether to believe him. 

My husband is 57 and I’m 54. Should I leave him?


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DEIDRE SAYS: It will be hard to throw in the towel after a long marriage but you are understandably hurt.

He shouldn’t be abusing the one who’s stood by him.

When he is sober, he neds to give you an explanation of his possible cheating.

Explain that the thought of his infidelity has changed how you feel about him, and that you are considering ending the marriage, and that only if he sobers up will you be prepared to get  couples counselling.

He also needs to think about the damage he’s doing by drinking.

Check out We Are With You, for people with drug and alcohol dependencies and their families and friends, and try the helpline for over 50s only, 0808 801 0750.

My support pack, Cheating, shows you where to find further help.

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