I long to have a threesome with another woman but my husband wants me all to himself

DEAR DEIDRE: I LONG for my husband to agree to a threesome with another woman but he just wants me all to himself.

I’m an American woman of 39 and I’ve had polygamous relationships for years.


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But five years ago, I met a man who turned my head.

We met in the queue at an airport in Arizona when I was coming back to the UK to visit my grandmother.

We got chatting and then sat together on the flight. We talked constantly for the nine-hour journey.

I’d never met anyone like him. He was handsome, single and intriguing. He owned a flat in London and travelled the world with his job.

I had left a casual relationship in the States where there were four of us women and one man, but we enjoyed one another equally.

This guy took my number after the flight and we later met in London. We dated and I was falling for him.

I explained about my background of being with multiple partners but he said he would only date me if it was just him.

Our relationship was great initially. The sex was off the scale. We got married. He is 46 now.

We talk regularly about my past and I have admitted I miss female company. These feelings creep up and mess with my head.

Now, two years on, I don’t feel happy. I work full-time, plus I do all the housework, cleaning and cooking. I resent his expectations of me as a wife, particularly as I’ve given up a lot to be with him. Would a threesome help me to feel better or would it only scratch the itch?

What I miss is more than just sex with a woman. It’s missing the warmth of a relationship with a like-minded female.

I’ve been honest with him about my feelings but I’m not sure our marriage can survive.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You miss other like-minded women, but you can find that through friendship. You’ve hit a bump in the road like many couples, but you’re used to your shared lovers dealing with problems together.

A threesome isn’t like a polygamous relationship. It may seem like a solution, but will really only paper over the cracks.

Tell your husband you are feeling unhappy. Explain that you’ve undergone a huge lifestyle change and seem to be picking up all the domestic chores.

Married life is different for you both, so talk about a compromise. If he is not prepared to do his share of the housework, find outside support through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960), who provide quality counselling for couples.

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