DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been such an idiot. I had sex with my boss, which felt great at the time, but now I’m pregnant and my partner will find out I cheated because he’s had a vasectomy.
My partner is 44. He is divorced now with two teenagers from his marriage.
When we met he was open from the start about the fact he’d had a vasectomy after his wife had a pregnancy scare when they had decided their family was complete.
I’m 27 and actually would love to be a mum but I knew I would have to accept that this would never happen if I stayed with him.
He’s a lovely man in so many other ways.
I work in a petrol station and my boss is lovely. He’s 39 and married with a little boy.
We were settling up one evening when a shelf collapsed and part of our Tannoy system came down and hit me on the side of the head.
My boss was so concerned, he got out the first-aid kit and closed the shop.
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He started bathing my cut and, as I sat down with a vodka he’d given me to get over the shock, I started to get a tingling feeling with him so close to me.
I looked up to him and put my arms around his neck.
He just looked at me and said, “Oh,” and then he kissed me and I kissed him back.
We went through to the staff room and we had sex. I know it was wrong, but he was so lovely and caring, the sex felt great.
Since then my boss has moved to a new job with a different company and I’ve found out I am pregnant. I’ve been trying to hide my bump from my partner as I am definitely beginning to show.
I’m booked in for a termination but I feel all over the place emotionally. I don’t think I want to give up the chance to be a mother.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex-boss isn’t likely to leave his wife after a one-off fling.
He’ll probably wish your pregnancy hadn’t happened but, if you go ahead, he’ll have a legal duty to help support his child financially but also a moral one to be actively involved as a loving dad. Is he likely to do that?
Would your partner sympathise with your longing to have a family and be able to welcome another man’s child?
If he can’t get over you cheating you’ll have to decide what is more important to you – having a family of your own or being with your partner.
Are you prepared to be a single mum? Going it alone can be tough. Do you have a good support network?
I totally understand how torn you feel, though the future could hold a partner who wants a family as much as you do.
There’s a lot for you to consider but my e-leaflet on Unplanned Pregnancy will help.
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