DEAR DEIDRE: WATCHING my wife as she nestled into a man and kissed him was the worst thing I have ever seen.
But as I stood there in disbelief, watching them together on a park bench, everything slotted into place.
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Sadly, history is repeating itself.
My first wife cheated on me too, 15 years ago. We couldn’t rebuild the trust and ended up divorcing.
I didn’t think I would date again but after meeting my current partner at a night class, we fell quickly for each other.
We went from a weekly lift to the class, to dating — and married 18 months later.
I am 43, she is 39.
Our boys are six and three and we share the childcare because my wife works from home as a bookkeeper and I do afternoon or evening shifts in a hospital as a theatre technician.
Looking back, she became overly protective of her phone and obsessed with eating healthily and going to the gym.
Then one afternoon, I got a call from our son’s nursery saying he’d been sick.
The staff mentioned they hadn’t been able to contact my wife.
I picked up my boy up but later that evening when she returned, her reaction when I explained what happened didn’t feel right.
A few days later when she had a “client meeting” in town, I looked at the Find My Phone app and felt sick when it placed her on the other side of town in a big park.
So I went to the park and saw this couple kissing.
The woman looked like my wife and, on closer inspection, I saw her briefcase by her side.
I haven’t talked to her yet.
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I don’t want to give up on this life we created together but I need help to know what steps to take next.
I don’t want our young boys to have an uncertain future. But am I facing another failed marriage?
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DEIDRE SAYS: I hope not. It’s going to be a difficult conversation to tackle but you must talk to her.
Find a moment, perhaps when your boys are in bed, and tell her what you saw.
Tell her you love her and don’t want your marriage to fail, but you need to understand what has gone wrong.
Do you still get along well? Do you enjoy date nights? A good sex life?
Maybe you are taking one another for granted. Life does have a habit of getting in the way of romance, especially with a young family.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
My boyfriend’s cheating with a friend of mine after kissing ANOTHER woman
Angela’s partner catches her with another man while drunk
My support pack about cheating suggests some next steps.
I would also advise couple counselling. For help, contact tavistockrelationships.org or call 020 7380 1975.
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