Football’s coming home. It’s coming.
Shouldn’t you be doing the same?
That tenuous joke isn’t the only reason we’re chatting about sex toys as the Euro 2020 final approaches.
There are actually quite a few reasons the England vs Italy game might make you want to get frisky.
For one thing, you might be a ‘football widow’ – one of those sad, neglected people whose partners abandon all romantic interactions because they’re too invested in UEFA. If that’s the case, you’ll probably be after something you can use solo, so you can still score even if England don’t.
Or on the flipside, you or your partner might find all the football excitement a major turn-on. The pints, the cheering, the joy – all of that can put you in a great mood and the ideal headspace for a nice sex session.
Then there’s the chance that we might actually win. If that happens, surely we’ll want to celebrate with a bang, whether we’re coupled up or single.
So, for all these scenarios: sex toys. We’ve gathered up some of the best you can buy now.
Womanizer Premium Smart Silence Clitoral Stimulator Black
A bestseller for a reason, the Womanizer delivers incredible clitoral stimulation through vibration, pulsing, and gentle suction.
Try the autopilot mode, with randomly changing sensation and intensity, for a mindblowing experience.
Buy for £169.99 from Lovehoney
Satisfyer Partner Whale Vibrators
This one’s for couples – pop the smaller part inside the vagina, while the thicker section sits directly on the clitoris, while also massaging your partner as you come together.
Buy for £18.70 from Amazon
Tenga Original Vacuum Deep Throat Onacup
Use alone or with a partner for a deep sucking sensation.
Plus, it’s in the England colours.
Buy for £16.99 from Lovehoney
Smile Makers The Firefighter
We know this vibrator looks a bit weird, but that flame shape is actually a genius bit of design, all for the purpose of amazing clitoral and labia stimulation.
Buy for £44.95 from Cult Beauty
Silicone Ball Gag
Football, ball gag. You get it.
Get this if you’re keen to dip your toe into the BDSM game. Think of it as like the spiritual bondage that keeps you tied to a premier league team that keeps crushing your spirit by losing.
Buy for £18 from Ann Summers
Julian Snelling Rosebud Aluminium Stainless Steel Small Swarovski Crystal Butt Plug
Yes, a red butt plug. That’s right.
And why not make it even more special with a Swarovski crystal? We are celebrating, after all.
Buy for £45 from Coco de Mer
Lovehoney Dream Rabbit Rechargeable Rabbit Vibrator
A reliable rabbit can be counted on to get the job done.
This one has three ear speeds, seven ear patterns, and three shaft speeds. Plus, it’s waterproof, so you can use it in the bath.
Buy for £49.99 from Lovehoney
My Viv 10 Function Pebble Personal Massager
Not only is this budget-friendly and easy to use all over the body, but it looks like a little sculpture rather than a sex toy. You could pop it on your shelf for decor.
Buy for £10 from Boots
Dash 10 Function Silicone Vibrating Butt Plug
Give the prostate some loving.
Buy for £29.99 from Ann Summers
Lovehoney Deluxe Exta Powerful Mains Powered Magic Wand Vibrator
Kick things off with a full-body massage – your shoulders have been tense in the run-up to the final, after all.
Then, slowly, gently, slide (tackle) it down.
Buy for £79.99 from Lovehoney
A sleek vibrator that fits between the fingers for use with a partner or solo, for own goals (but the good kind).
Buy for £85 from Cult Beauty
Glow Up Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator
Even if England don’t bring home something gold and shiny, you still can.
A discreet, petite option to use on the clitoris and nipples.
Buy for £24.99 from Lovehoney
Lelo Ora 3 Rechargeable Luxury Clitoral Pleasure Stimulator
Want the sensation of oral, but don’t have someone ready to go down?
No worries – this massager feels just like the real thing.
Buy for £139.99 from Lovehoney
Red Faux Leather Buckle Cuffs
Have they been naughty? Don’t show them the red card – just get these red faux leather cuffs.
Buy for £9 from Ann Summers
Flexi Pleasure Multi Speed Wand Vibrator
A smooth wand and flexible soft tip ensures you hit the spot. Or get it in the back of the net. Whatever football innuendo you’d like to use will work here.
Buy for £12.99 from Bondara
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