ANNA MIKHAILOVA: Right Keir, Right Now? Fatboy's not so sure…

ANNA MIKHAILOVA: Right Keir, Right Now? Fatboy’s not so sure…

What on earth did Fatboy Slim make of Sir Keir Starmer striding on stage last week in Brighton to his club anthem Right Here, Right Now?

After all, the Left-wing pacifist DJ had previously roasted Tony ‘Cool Britannia’ Blair for using the smash hit to ‘boost credibility’ during the 2004 Labour conference.

‘It is better not to choose an anthem written by someone who openly opposes you,’ Fatboy had warned. Good advice that Starmer’s people ignored in pursuit of young and middle-aged voters they hope will return to a New Labour dancefloor.

In a speech carefully crafted by Blair’s former wordsmith, Starmer rapped robotically about how he wanted all children to have a rounded education and told conference that Fatboy Slim, or Quentin Cook as he then was (he later changed his first name to Norman), had been in his music class at Reigate Grammar in Surrey.

What on earth did Fatboy Slim make of Sir Keir Starmer striding on stage last week in Brighton to his club anthem Right Here, Right Now?

In a speech carefully crafted by Blair’s former wordsmith, Starmer rapped robotically about how he wanted all children to have a rounded education and told conference that Fatboy Slim, or Quentin Cook as he then was (he later changed his first name to Norman), had been in his music class at Reigate Grammar in Surrey 

The human rights lawyer then gave a eulogy to the levelling-up achievements of the Blair era, with one major omission – his illegal war in Iraq, something Quaker-raised Fatboy stridently opposed. 

And in a final flourish, Starmer cynically ended his 90-minute speech by paying tribute to the men and women of the British military who have risked their lives in Afghanistan, another failed Blair delusion.

So would it be an ‘attaboy’ for Starmer from his old classmate Fatboy? After the Labour leader exited stage right, I jumped in a taxi to nearby Hove, where the DJ lives in a ‘Millionaires’ Row’ of houses, each with its own private pebbled beach. 

Mr Slim came to the door unaware his anthem had once again been used by New Labour. Asked if he supported the Blair-apparent, the bespectacled DJ said: ‘I don’t want to chat.’

Minutes later, he jumped into his Mini Cooper and sped towards Brighton, where the seafront bars were packed with smug Labour spin doctors talking up Starmer’s new direction in the path to power.

Right here, right now.

Lord Blair has no right to speak on Sarah case 

I was shocked to hear former Met Police Commissioner and absentee Lord (Ian) Blair yesterday compare Sarah Everard’s rape and murder by a serving officer to the collapse of an investment bank.

The Met’s top brass and bankers love a rotten-apple theory as it points away from problematic cultures. Barings Bank’s ‘rogue’ trader Nick Leeson, who Blair referenced, and Wayne Couzens operated in toxic cultures of sexism and cover-up. Blair should know. Before entering the Lords, where he hasn’t bothered to speak since March 2020, he presided over appalling clear-up rates on violence against women and the small matter of a mass shredding of police-corruption files. Ian, you’re the last person I want to hear opining on the Everard case.

While Dominic ‘I wasn’t paddleboarding’ Raab was in Crete managing the fall of Kabul via WhatsApp, his old boss Theresa May enjoyed a luxury jolly of her own. The former PM jetted off on a two-week break in August, and managed to avoid chaotic airport queues by using the ultra-exclusive VIP Windsor Suite at Heathrow.

She certainly took her time declaring the £8,400 freebie from the airport – breaking the MP Code of Conduct, which requires all gifts to be registered within 28 days, in the process. Perhaps, having flown back three days after the Foreign Secretary, May, who oversaw three years of the Afghan war, didn’t think it would be a good look to draw attention to her own flight of fancy while British citizens struggled to escape Taliban rule.

There’s more WFH buzz in the Civil Service – an advert has gone up for a ‘seasonal bee inspector’, with the reassuring note that the successful applicant can work from home.

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