Reunion episodes are often as boring and superfluous as those recap talk shows that used to follow cultish TV dramas like The Walking Dead.
Fortunately, as several of them creep up on 40, the cast members of Vanderpump Rules remain so violently angry and pathologically narcissistic that they create an interesting hour of television just by rehashing old beefs and making Andy Cohen question his life decisions.
Last night, we got our first look at the 3-part Vanderpump Season 7 reunion, and while we initially rolled our eyes at the fact that this thing had been stretched out for 3 freakin’ hours, the first installment left us wishing it would never end.
There was humor, as everyone roasted Raquel Leviss for her ridiculous attire.
There were moments of real human emotion, as each of the several cast members who lost an immediate family member in the past year opened up about their grief and about the torturously slow healing process.
And of course, there was the seething rage that nearly led to Jax Taylor finally fracturing James Kennedy’s cleft chin with his “changed man” Hulk fists.
Yes, it seems Jax may have gotten stuck at the “anger” stage in mourning his father, who died back in June of 2018.
In fact, last night he argued that violently lashing out at people is an acceptable way to process grief, which — fun fact — is only true for toddlers.
Ever since Jax’s father passed away, he’s been quite open about the fact that the loss has taken a tremendous emotional toll and caused him to re-examine his life up to this point.
What’s not commendable is throwing fists every time someone mentions your father, Father’s day, the very concept of fatherhood, etc.
That said, James 100 percent deserves an ass-whupping for his tweet that made light of Jax and Lala Kent’s grief over their departed dads.
“He is just a sad man after his daddy died – brother make peace with your dead father please that goes for Lala also,” Kennedy wrote, like a total d-ckhead.
And shockingly, everyone’s least favorite shaved ferret wasn’t alone in scoring points off of Jax and Lala’s grief.
Raquel also encouraged Lala to “get over it,” and thankfully, last night she got chewed out for her asinine remarks.
“When you lose a parent, which you will, it’s inevitable, I pray to god that whoever you’re around tiptoes around you,” Lala said to Raquel.
“I hope they let you swing from f–king monkey bars screaming. I hope no one ever tries to cheapen to death and say that he’s an excuse like you did to me. Bored, move on.”
Shortly thereafter, Lisa Vanderpump recalled the death of her brother (it was an emotional hour, y’all) and her grief led her to momentarily leave the stage.
Things deteriorated from there, as James called Brittany a hillbilly; Tom Sandoval defended his ass for some reason, and Andy Cohen implored the entire cast to “shut the f–k up!:”
We can’t believe we’re saying this, but bring on part 2 of the reunion!
Jax Taylor Gets Paid More Than the Rest of the Vanderpump Cast Because In 2018, Cruelty and Idiocy Are Virtues
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